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How we talk to kids – does it affect their perseverance, initiative, and capacity?

9/10/2013

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An experiment was conducted involving two groups of students: American and Chinese. The children were given an unsolvable math problem. The American students gave up early, while the Chinese students worked for over forty-five minutes, looking at the problem as an intriguing challenge. Are Chinese children smarter or more perseverant than American children in general or is something else going on?

Some parents and teachers in America tend to believe that ability trumps effort, and the language that is used reflects this thinking: “You are amazing!”, “You are so smart”, are definitive phrases of praise, yet, when students aren’t smart, great, or amazing, they don’t know what to do next to improve.  It is if academic strength is a state of being, based on ability. You have it, or you don’t.  “You’re not good at Y, and that’s okay.” Or, “Your dad and I aren’t good at math.”  Instead of,  “You did X well because you practiced.  You can do better with Z.”  This shift in language is something that’s actionable for parents and it’s hopeful for kids. If the language can be shifted to the student doing their own analysis of their work, and analyzing their improvement strategies for the future, it gives them power. Language is an influential force.  Language that focuses on effort and encouraging kids to improve, to persevere with effort, helps to build grit and the desire to push through challenges, to work through problems even if the solution doesn’t come easily. 


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When you Mumble

9/3/2013

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So, the young man looked at my shoes and gave me one word responses.  The young interviewee was giggling and interrupting the interviewers—could she not read the body language?  The online response surely didn’t mean to express the emotion it seemed to, with all those caps?  The girl on the bus went from passive to aggressive in a moment.   The apology given was superficial and insincere.   I observe communications by young people all the time. It’s my personal research project.  What works for good conversation?  How do you tone down escalating conflict with words?  How can shyness be overcome?  Are there simple strategies to practice that can improve basic conversation?  I’m not talking about making formal speeches, but just about daily talking with the variety of people we come into contact with for various purposes—how can that type of conversation be improved so that the words that come out of our mouths represent us best for the situation?  Improving language skill helps to improve perception, self-esteem, opportunity so it’s really important.   What is one thing you do that has made a difference in certain types of conversations?

Kathryn A. T. Knox is the author of The Teen’s Guide to the Conversation Game, and rejoices in talking with young people about developing stronger and more effective engagement with language.  She also loves to write, read, and dance!

Published by Amazon and Apple itunes:  A Teen’s Guide to the Conversation Game


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    Author

    Dr. Kathryn Knox is a life-long educator, consultant, and author.

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